Recently, during a conversation which I had with someone, I was both prompted and challenged to show the same measure of grace when I receive, that I try to demonstrate when I give.
Now I don`t know about you, but I like to “give” and “do” and “fix,” some of which if I`m honest, can at times be a way of me feeling like I am in control. I am also aware that some of my desiring to do these things is just a part of who I am, and which has been honed over many years of giving care as a nurse, both outside, and within my family, and which is now a part of my rightful identity. That said, be a fly on the wall in our home, and too often than I like to admit, you will hear an exasperated voice exclaim, “Mum, let me help you by doing this!” My truth is that I’m very happy for Jesus to wash the feet of others. I’ll even kneel alongside Him, and do some foot washing myself, but ask me to put my own feet into that basin, and very quickly it becomes a Peter like, “whoa my feet Lord?” scenario, as a measure of pride, coupled with uncertainty at not being in control, rises up within me.
Several months ago now, I was on a short break in London with some friends. When we went out for our meals, I noticed that while I was busy thinking about what could I eat that wasn’t going to cost an arm and a leg, my friends showed no such compunction as they ordered exactly what they wanted from the menu. Did I have the money to order what I really wanted? Yes. Should I not then have just gone ahead and ordered that? I`m not sure! I think that like many things in life, that just because we can, does not necessarily mean we should. And then visa versa, as I am hoping to get across in some measure in this blog, sometimes we should indeed just go ahead and enjoy things, and receive things with grace, mindful of any judging when others do not act, as we might.
I do remember at that time thinking that I have a natural tendency within me, to often do the “right” thing in order to know some inner “keeping within boundary lines approval,” over doing what I might really want to do. I am also aware that for personal reasons, which I won’t share here at this time, that I often function in a “good girl” mode, which brings a measure of safety to me.
Thankfully, with some help along the way, I am changing. I am learning to trust that whether I do, or whether I don’t, my Heavenly Father approves of, and loves me with abundant faithfulness 24/7.
Which brings me back to my need to receive well and with grace. Imagine going into a book shop and scrambling around the bargain basement for a moth-eaten second-hand book, only to reach the till to discover that all the brand new off the shelf copies had already been paid for by the shop owner and you could take your “pick of the best” and not just “make do.”
And the truth is that I think that’s what I do! I think I too often “make do,” when the Father wants to bless me with His best, and for that I can only say sorry.
Sorry Lord when I fail to make note of the abundant blessing which you shower me with day after day, from sunrises to sunsets… Sorry that while I do the “freely” give bit quite well, I often fail on the “freely” receive part. (Matthew 10:8)… Sorry that I`m too often so busy looking down to watch where I`m going, that I fail to see the cloud shapes dancing across the skies…Sorry that I don`t more often come with an open hand ready to receive all you want to give me… Sorry when I`m too busy rushing through life that I forget to take time to jump in muddy puddles or note the laughter of a baby… Sorry when I live in my “make do” land, when you want me to live in your abundant “pick of the best” land!… Sorry when I make do with “pig-swill” when you have a “banquet” laid out for me… Sorry that I too often feel like I need to prove my worth and value, instead of accepting all that I am in your eyes…. Help then to get the balance right in being wise with that which I do have, while yet also living as a child of the King who owns the cattle on a thousand hills! Thank you.
“From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised.” Psalm 113:3
Yours in Him,
(New to my blog and want to know more of who I am? Have a look at my first post “launching son flowers…)